Anger Management
Dr. Richard Shropshire - The Barnabas Connection
The stewardship of relationship is like the parenting of a child:
- at birth: easy emotions, easy to "love"
- as child grows: conflicts arise, "love" becomes more difficult, but we don't give up on the child
"Anger" defined: the emotion that results from the frustration of a goal - necessary to prioritize goals - often, when we realize the goal that is being frustrated, we also realize that our anger is out of proportion to that goal.
How do we respond to anger: see Ephesians 4:26-27,29,31-32
1. Suppress it - recognize that you are angry and try to keep it under control instead of letting it spill out in uncontrolled actions or words
Problem: eventually, it will build up and possibly spill out in an explosion, usually at someone else's expense
2. Repress it - denial of the fact of the anger, treats anger as "sin" rather than a God-given protective device
Problem: as we internalize anger, physical and additional relational disease results - there is an "implosion" at our own expense
3. Express it - usually anger is expressed with violent passion, yelling, sharp words, high emotions, although anger can be expressed by redirecting it by doing some other activity
Problem: venting it generally produces more anger, and at some one else's expense; redirecting it usually means that you partner is helplessly aware of your anger causing relational distance without providing a solution to the anger-producing situation
4. Confess it - must be done in a way that your partner can accept, taking ownership of the emotion, rather than blaming your partner for what you feel - not "You made me angry," but "When you do ______________, I feel angry"
Note: assertive anger vs. aggressive anger - assertive anger takes into consideration the needs and desires of the other party; aggressive anger thinks only of one's own needs.
Principles for handling anger:
1. Be aware of your emotional reactions - "What am I feeling?"
2. Admit your emotional reaction - confess it
3. Try to understand why you have anger - "Who or what is the occasion of my anger?" Anger generally results from the frustration of our desires, impulses, wants ambitions, hopes, drives, hunger, or will - "What is being frustrated?"
4. Understand the part you had in the process that caused the other person to do what he did
5. Try to find other situations or conditions in which the anger will not occur
6. Ask yourself, "Is anger the best response?" - can you defuse the issues by an alternative response to the situations or conditions? refuse to go on the defensive
7. Identify the type of anger that rises too fast - count to ten before responding
8. Is your anger arising out of a critical spirit toward others?
9. Do you plan ahead to express anger at a more appropriate time?
10. Make yourself accountable to someone who is not a part of the situation to talk over your reactions
11. Spend time daily in prayer talking to God about your anger
12. Spend time daily in scripture, memorizing scriptures that aid you in dealing with anger
