Grief Process
Dr. Richard Shropshire - The Barnabas Connection
The best test of decision making in a Christian marriage is reflected in the infrequency of his having to pull those 2 votes down off the shelf. In fact, it is possible that a couple
Grief is defined as that emotion of loss and sadness when someone or something in which emotion has been invested is taken away. Because we are Christian, we should not suppose to be exempt from the human lot of existence or from natural disasters; but we are special in that God will see us through those disasters. If we equate suffering to what we truly deserve, we need only remember Christ's suffering on the cross. Rather than wasting time and energy debating over whether we deserved the trouble, we must think our way through on how to overcome it.
The normal pattern of grief over significant persons or issues runs typically from six months to a year, although it is not unusual for that process to take two to three years. It must be quickly added that there are always variables when discussing human reaction to crisis. These time spans are given as a general rule, rather than a hard and fast definition.
Grief typically follows a certain pattern and with certain components; but these stages are not always distinct, discrete, or totally separate phases that always occur in the same order, or never miss a stage, or never deviate. Typically, the first stage is denial, which is a built in protection against the lack of preparation for death or significant loss. One fights against the reality of that loss by denying its occurrence.
When one can no longer deny the loss, the second stage of bargaining begins with an attempt to change that reality.
When bargaining doesn't accomplish the desired goal, the person becomes angry: with God, with the one who died or moved away or otherwise changed the relationship, with the doctor who didn't "save" the loved one, with the person who caused the accident, even with self, because it is easier to blame someone than to face the loss.
At some point, the greatly enhanced emotions of the moments of grief become overwhelming, and the person may experience depression that comes from the shutting down those emotions. The person turns inward, and often feels loneliness.
Finally there comes an adjustment toward and an acceptance of the loss. This doesn't mean that the person will no longer experience sadness; but the times of sadness will become of lessening intensity, shorter duration, and will occur with less frequency.
One of the problems contemporary Americans face in the grieving process is the inability or unwillingness to talk about one's grief or to give any public display. Even in the midst of one's inability to function normally, there is an attempt to mask one's depth of emotion. Hope needs to be affirmed. The new life situation needs to be acknowledged. But when grief is denied, that affirmation and that acknowledgment may be difficult if not impossible; and the grieving process is prolonged.
